Did I Fing Stutter?
by Isfelvic
Summary: Envy/Lynette Total Crack fic! Major OOCness! T for language


**A one shot and total crack fic. I just got the idea when Envy had been dancing on stage and it looked like Lynette was watching her.**

**It sucks cause I only had twenty or so minutes to write it. Cause the movie was rented and not owned and the idea hit me on the last day I'd had it.**

**So...yeah lol. Major OOCness. And I don't own anything but Pride and Luke.**

* * *

Envy,…that bitch. It sounds harsh I know, but I don't know what else to call her.

She left me for that quiet pretty girl. A drummer I'd heard.

So when things were actually going well for me and looking up and I was finally getting over Envy…of course she'd fuck it up.

I picked up the ringing phone, hoping it was Ramona. Sadly not.

"Hello?"

"Hey Scott." Her low tone made the smile on my face slide off.

"Envy?"

Wallace dropped something. "Oh shit." I knew he meant Envy calling.

"Been a while." She sounded upset.

"About a year." I swallowed my nerves.

"Mm,…how are you?" If I didn't know her so well I'd think she was really concerned.

"Not so great actually."

"That's so sad." She was mocking me.

"What? No, no." My nerves came back up. "It's been different."

"I see. Do you have a girlfriend? Should I be,…jealous?" She was really toying with me. Damn her ability to change the subject so fast.

"I do. She calls me all the time."

"Does she?" She knew I was lying I think. I could hear the smirk on her lips.

"Yeah. Totally. And she's America." Fuck. "An. American."

"What's her name?"

"I'm not telling you that. Ramona." Fuck!

"Ohh." It sounded as if she knew who I was talking about. Maybe it's just my head. There are hundred of Ramona's out there. …Right?

"Who's that?" Someone asked from the background on her end. A female.

"Scott."

"Oh."

"Who is that?" I had a sneaking idea of who.

"None of your business Scott." She sighed.

There was a funny sound and Envy giggled. "Stop that."

"But you like it."

It was that drummer chick!

"I gotta go." The line clicked dead after she giggled again.

"Wait!" To late.

Fu-uck!

* * *

I tried to tell Ramona that I'd hope we'd be okay.

It was like the whole world was after me! It sucked or whatever. And it was proven when Envy popped up in front of her own poster. Shit!

Ramona left us to talk.

"So, that's her?" She lowered her hands from her hips.

"Yeah."

"Okay," She smirks. "I'm jealous."

I give her an 'Oh, what-ever!' look. "You're jealous?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm allowed."

"You left me! For that drummer chick I heard on your phone yesterday! She sounded like a jerk." I wanted it all to seem unacceptable. That I was still just that angry.

Which I was,…just in a 12 year-old kinda way or whatever.

She laughed. "You only heard her voice for a second. You've never even seen her."

"I know. You left me for someone I've never even seen." I had wanted to see at least one make out.

"Maybe you will see her." She spoke quickly. Her voice was full of sexy. That's how she won out with me. "We're playing Lee's Palace. You should So. Totally. Come." It sounded like she was having an orgasm. I was upset with myself that her voice still affected me.

"Sooo not going to happen."

She glared at me. "Great. You're _so _on the list." She marched out.

"Fuck." I mumbled.

* * *

I hated Stephen. I really did. Even more when the band started.

Envy walked out in her strappy boots. She turned towards the drummer. Or I think she did. All I can see is her outline so it's hard to tell when the back lights are barely even showing the bass player and the drummer.

But I knew she was looking at the drummer, because the drummer smiled and nodded. Envy peeled off her jacket, the girl smirked. It was her!

"Oh, yeah." Envy started.

I wanted to think about something, anything else but Envy and her stupid drummer girlfriend. So I did the lamest thing ever. "Hey," I turned to Ramona. "That guy on bass. His name is Todd. He-"

"I know." She cut me off.

"Oh, yeah?" Envy continued.

"What?" She gave me a sad look.

"Oh, yeah!" Envy tossed her jacket into the crowd.

Oh fuck.

The stage lights clicked on. Envy was in a low-cut black top with spaghetti straps and a mini skirt.

She started to sing. My pride wouldn't let me openly admit she was great.

I spotted Todd glaring at me. I swallowed.

Envy danced around the stage. Graceful. She kept glancing back towards the drummer. The girl watched her move around stage. I couldn't see her eyes, but her head was always turned in Envy's direction. She was smiling. Appreciation was on her face as her girlfriend rolled her hips.

Fuck!

* * *

I sipped my coke zero as I thought of how annoyed I was because I was there. And Envy Adams was in the same building.

This sucks.

I spotted a blonde boy and a dark haired boy walk by us into the back. The blonde's head turned.

"Pride." I mumbled.

"Who?" Ramona asked curiously.

"Envy's little brother." I answered, looking at her. "That other kid has to be Luke. Pride was in the UK for a while with his dad. He learned to play the guitar there and he has a really good voice. If that other kid is Luke then he plays the drums."

Ramona nodded.

Pride had sent me a text on Wallace's cell about a week after his older sister kicked my heart in the ass and ran outta town.

He'd said he met the drummer and own little brother. That her little brother had a metal leg and how cool it was and that they were best friends. …And that he was sorry for me. Pride and I got along as far as we needed to. He was convinced his big sister could do better than a 'geek' like me. I guess he was right or whatever.

There was a grunt and Julie swung around the corner, Pride just behind her shoulder. He nodded to me. I nodded back.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but," She rolled her eyes. "Envy Adams would like you all back stage." She disappeared behind stage.

I groaned. "All of us?"

Pride looked back. "Did she *$%ing stutter?" The black spot showing over his mouth.

See? We only liked each other as much as we had to.

Fuck.

* * *

We'd walked in on a private moment apparently. Well,…almost private.

Pride and Luke were playing Nintendo DSi in the back corner. Luke's right leg was really made of metal. He seemed fine with letting everyone see.

Julie was trying to play aloof and not bother anyone.

Todd was leaning against the wall drooling a little.

Envy and the drummer were in a serious looking make-out session.

Oh! All my dreams came true at that moment. I wanted to get on my knees and thank every God out there.

But Julie had spotted us and cleared her throat.

Envy broke the kiss and looked up. Her girlfriend took it as a chance to latch onto her throat and give her a hickey. "Sit." She ordered quietly.

We scooted over and sat on the open couch.

"So,…" I stared at the female giving my ex a hickey. She was good looking. From what I'd seen. "This is she."

Envy made a sound and the drummer let go, she looked at me for a second before going back to giving the singer a hickey.

"Lynette. Her name." Envy lifted her head a little. I spotted fingers brush through the drummer's hair.

I nod. "Right."

"You're hair is getting shaggy." She notes.

"Yeah?" My cap is on.

"Hey,…don't you and he have to fight?" Pride spoke up. Luke lifted his head. He looked almost exactly like his sister.

Did everyone get the memo about this league of evil exes?

Todd crouched beside my seat. "Scott and Ramona, eh?"

I leaned back a little. "Yeah. And?"

"You suit each other." He sounded a little jealous. But I don't know him so maybe he's just being an asshole.

Suddenly he grabbed the front of my shirt and flung me through the wall into the alley. I looked up.

"Your hair…"

"Didn't Ramona tell you?" He grinned. "I'm vegan."

Fu-uck!

* * *

I stumbled back into the building.

Only Ramona, Pride, Luke, Lynette, and Envy were left.

I glanced at Envy. Her arms were around the drummer's neck. "Sorry I guess." I mumbled.

She shrugged. "Pride can play Bass."

The boy grinned. "Yes!" He and Luke clapped their hands together in a high five.

Lynette leaned in and went at Envy's throat again.

I sat heavily beside Ramona, who checked to see if I was okay. I smiled at her before looking back at Envy. "Why'd you call us back here?"

"To actually make sure you were okay. That was Pride's idea. And to kinda flaunt my fame in your face."

Ramona looked over at the blonde boy. "You're name is actually Pride?"

He nodded. "It's the name on my certificate of birth."

I cut of any more conversation. "Wait…why would you wanna make sure I'm okay? You dumped me."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Over an argument you started."

"I did?"

"Yeah, I was there." Pride spoke up, he was staring at his game screen still.

"Really?" I didn't buy it. Envy always lied.

"Mm!" Envy jumped and looked down at the girl on her throat. "No biting."

"Sorry." The drummer mumbled. I could see the smirk on her lips.

"Um,…sorry again or whatever." I stood. "I'll see you around I guess. "Natalie." I took Ramona's hand.

"Only Lyn and Pride call me that. It's weird to hear other people say it." The blonde scoffed.

"Well maybe more people should." I mumbled as we leave the room.

I was sure Envy would break Lynette's heart too.

* * *

**Three years later:**

Imagine my shock when Pride sends me an E-Mail.

Ramona and I are engaged by this point and are finally ready to _start _living.

Pride says that Lynette and his sister are married and still going strong. That they only argue once every few weeks about silly things, if even _that _much. He says they're finalizing papers for adopting a kid.

He asked us to visit soon, as the last time they saw Ramona and me had been at a comic convention almost eight months ago.

Luke and Pride wanted to go and Neil and Knives had roped Ramona and me into going along.

I wasn't sure if I would visit. Because I'd been wrong. And my pride wouldn't let me admit it. So I wasn't sure if I would.

…Or could.


End file.
